


Who Am I?

by LeadersMight



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Darkfic but the ship is NOT where the dark comes from, Gadolt/Sharla may not last so pls dont click on the fic for that ship alone, Gen, Loss of Identity, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, Suicidal Thoughts, What-If, Zanza acts a bit like intrusive thoughts in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeadersMight/pseuds/LeadersMight
Summary: Shulk gives up at Galahad Fortress, and finds himself questioning who he even is.Fiora falls, and decides she'll save her friend, no matter what it takes.Egil sees a scared boy, and vows to end Zanza's curse once and for all.
Relationships: Egil/Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles), Gadolt/Sharla (Xenoblade Chronicles)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fic I felt was dark enough for my dark ao3. The dark is gonna come from a lot of... Shulk questioning if he's really *him* and not just a husk, as time will tell. But there will be plenty of focus on Fiora and Egil too! Graphic violence to come later in the fic.

“Fine.” Shulk is on his knees before anyone can react. “I give up. Just… let Fiora go. Stop controlling her.”

Egil looks down at him and lets out a demeaning breath. “I see you understand, Heir to the Monado. Very well, I will end your miserable existence now, and gift your comrades with new bodies born of Mechonis!”

“I will not let you!” Fiora calls out, and in a flash of movement, it’s Face Unit against Face Unit.

Shulk calls out to Fiora to stop -- he doesn’t want her to be hurt, not anymore, but she does not listen. She and Egil clash, and they continue to clash. He watches as the Face that Fiora sits within opens its face plate and red energy shoots out.

Things go by in a blur from there on, and Galahad Fortress is collapsing. Shulk watches as Fiora slides off, unconscious, towards her death. Her  _ second _ death. He runs towards her with a yell, ignoring as Reyn tries to call him back, and--

A cold, metal hand wraps around him, and he finds himself lifted off the ground. He screams for Fiora, but the grip of Egil is firm, and he can’t move. Can’t do anything as they all fall towards the ground. Shulk watches them disappear, and slumps in Egil’s hand. It really was over.

\--

When Reyn wakes up, he sees Fiora’s Face Unit in the distance. He remembers Shulk ready to give up for her, the way he chased after her only to be grabbed… And he decides, at least in this moment, that he needs to save her first and foremost.

He doesn’t get these machines the same way Shulk does, but he can crack open the hatch easily enough. A few wires connected to Fiora detached later, and he’s pulling her free, slowly carrying her out of the water and to the nearby beach.

Setting her down, he moves the bangs out of her eyes and sighs in relief when he realizes she’s breathing. He decides he should get her some water, see if he can wake her up, and then they can decide what to do about Shulk.

There’s a nearby water source, thank Bionis, and he’s back at her side in no time. It takes a bit of forcing to open her mouth and get the water to go down, but he gets it… And there’s Fiora’s eyes fluttering open, slowly but surely.

“Reyn…?” Her voice is raspy, as if not used in a while, and sounds nothing like that other voice that had been speaking up until their fall. “Where…?”

“Hey, it’s okay, no need to start fussin’.” He runs a hand through her bangs again. “You’re gonna be alright, n’ then we’ll go find Shulk.”

“Shulk…” The worry that crosses her face is clear. “What happened to Shulk?”

“He…” Reyn bites his lip. “That Egil guy, he nabbed him when he came runnin’ after you. I dunno where he is, Fiora, but we need to find him.”

Fiora’s face looks blank for a minute, and it worries Reyn, but before he has a chance to speak, she does. “Agniratha. The capital of the Mechonis.”

Reyn blinks more than a few times hearing that. “How’d you know that?”

“It’s her…” She reaches up and touches the strange outlet on her chest. “The other woman. She tells me Egil must have taken Shulk to Agniratha.”

\--

Shulk is unceremoniously dumped on the ground in front of a metal woman when Egil lands, and he’s still reeling. Fiora, Reyn, everyone… His inaction, his attempt at giving up to save lives, had he just hurt them.

“Brother!” The woman speaks, and soon enough the pilot of the golden mechon shows himself, reaching down and wrenching the Monado from his back.

“Vanea. The Heir to the Monado has given himself up, willingly. Our focus is to shift on ensuring Zanza’s curse can never take hold again.”

“Zanza’s curse…?” Shulk asks, his voice shaky and quiet. “What do you mean?”

The woman Vanea’s eyes widen as she looks at him. “You mean to tell me you do not know?”

“Of course he doesn’t.” Egil turns to look at him and picks him up, tucking him under the arm not holding the Monado. “If he were to know, Zanza’s curse could not take hold.”

Vanea looks at him with such pity it makes Shulk want to flinch. “The boy does not even know what his fate is, then?! Do you not plan to tell him what he did? I know Zanza was your friend, Egil, but you cannot--”

“I will tell him, in my own time.” Egil’s voice is tight as he looks down at Shulk. “He will have a choice of how to avoid that fate once he knows.”

“Death or a body of Mechonis.” Shulk replies blankly. “Those will be my choices, right?”

Egil does not reply, and instead begins walking. The lack of other footsteps tells Shulk that Vanea does not follow, and it doesn’t bode well… But he stays quiet, and lets Egil carry him away.

Whatever it is, he hopes it holds more answers as to what this curse is, and what it means for him.

\--

Dunban helps Sharla sit up, and finds himself hovering like a concerned parent as the woman rubs her head. After all that just happened, he can’t help but feel sick. Shulk giving up, Fiora fighting back, both of them taken from him just like that…

“Are you alright?” He asks as Sharla fully comes to.

“I’m fine, but what about you?” She takes his hand when he offers it and pulls herself to her feet. “Seeing Fiora like that… I can’t imagine what it feels like.”

“Ah…” Dunban looks away and clears his throat, trying to keep strong. “I’m alright. I just want to find her, and make sure she’s alright.”

Sharla sighs and slaps him on the shoulder, ever so lightly. “You don’t have to lie to me, Dunban. I can tell you’re worried.”

“Sharla--”

“I know what it’s like, you know?” She cuts him off and he sees the empathetic look on her face. “I felt the same way when Juju got taken by that Xord, back on the Leg. You nearly saved your little sister, and she got taken right from under you.”

Dunban looks at his hand and tries to find the words. He knows Sharla is right -- he is worried, beyond words -- and if anyone understands that, it’s her. Another adult shoved into the role of parent for their sibling… But he’s so used to being strong for the others, what’s he to say?

“You're right.” Finally the word slips out of his lips. “I’m more worried than I can say. I just want her to be safe, Sharla, no matter what’s been done to her. I…”

She places her hand on his shoulder this time, squeezing it with reassurance. “It’s alright, Dunban. We’ll find her, and we’ll save her. I promise you.”

“Thank you, Sharla.” He looks back at her and smiles. “Let’s go, then… Fiora must be waiting.”

“That’s what I want to hear! Let’s go!”

\--

Shulk is shaking now, having heard Egil relay his story of Arglas and the Monado from behind a barrier. A barrier to keep him from lashing out at the Machina. He swallows hard, trying to find words as Egil does not look at him. As Egil stares at the Monado, as if that is all there is to Shulk.

Shulk feels sick, and thinks of when his parents found the Monado. When he was the only survivor… Is there anything to Shulk outside of that sword? The boy found alive with the artifact used to fight the Mechon -- the boy who just so happened to be the perfect wielder.

The Monado is Zanza, Zanza is the Monado. What does that make Shulk?

Egil finally turns to look at him, and his voice is softer than before, almost concerned. “Tell me Shulk, what do you choose. Death, or a way to confine the horror within you?”

Shulk feels like he’s about to cry as he forces out a reply. “I don’t know… What if the only thing within me is that horror? I’ll just die, either way.”

Egil frowns and steps towards the chamber Shulk sits in. “Do you truly believe that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you wish to die if it is true?”

“I don’t know.”

Egil sighs, and kneels down, catching Shulk’s eye as he places a hand against the barrier. “Do you trust me to save you from the fate Arglas suffered?”

Shulk bites his lip. “Can you?”

“I don’t know.”

Shulk sucks in a breath, and without another place to turn to, he makes his choice. “Please… help me break the curse of Zanza.”

\--

Melia does not want to rest, but Riki is tired, so she decides it’s okay. Yes -- it’s for Riki she tells herself, even as it takes its toll on her and she wants to let her own eyes close… Her worries still eat at her, though, and so her eyes remain open.

Shulk nearly gave up, as he almost had on Valak Mountain… and now he’s in the grip of Egil. The first person outside of Alcamoth and Frontier Village to show her such kindness being in the hands of the enemy… it scares her.

She thinks of Fiora, and the way she fought for them, despite not seeming to remember those she knew, and Melia wonders if she’s alright. They survived the fall, and Fiora’s body is sure to be stronger than any of theirs… But that does not change the worry.

They came out here not only for revenge, but to save Fiora -- perhaps Fiora could even be considered the primary goal -- if they were to lose her after coming so far… She’s not sure what she or the others will do.

“Melly no tired?” Riki’s voice pulls her from her thoughts. “Melly should rest! So Riki and Melly can find friends!”

“I suppose you have a point, Riki.” She replies, staring at the fire. “There is just… much on my mind, currently.”

Riki nods. “Riki understand. Riki know Melly very young for bird person but have very important jobs. Melly think about lots lots of times.”

“I suppose you are right.” She shifts where she lays a bit and sighs, wanting nothing more than sleep to claim her. “This time, though… It is our friends I worry for.”

“Riki understand, Riki worry too.” Riki nods. “But friends worry about Riki and Melly, Riki sure! Riki think Melly should sleep, so friends no worry when see Melly again.”

“I suppose you are right.” It feels nice, knowing others may be worried about her at this very moment. “Goodnight, then, Riki. I hope you can rest as well -- we did stop for you, after all.”

Riki seems caught off guard by that, but throws himself onto the ground. “O-of course! Riki sleepy and sleep now! Riki say goodnight, Melly!”

She giggles a bit, and finally her eyes begin to close. “Sleep well, oh mighty heropon.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoof, sorry this took so long! But here's chapter 2!!

Shulk walks up behind Egil and finds the man placing the Monado is some sort of container. He’s found himself free to roam through Agniratha -- Egil says he’s free to leave if he changes his mind. Zanza is a null threat with the Monado in his possession.

But Shulk stays, stays afraid of what could be lurking under. Stays afraid of what could be fake and he doesn’t even realize it. So here he is, looking at whatever the Machina seems to be doing.

A piece of him yells to reach out to the Monado, no matter the risk. Grab it, let Egil stab him through if he must. The Monado must be kept safe -- the Monado is all he has.

His breathing hitches and Egil turns to look at him. He frowns deeply and kneels, coming to Shulk’s eye level.

“Shulk.” His voice is firm and quiet. “I would rather you avoid the Monado. It will do you no good to be near it until I am able to be rid of it.”

Shulk continues to stare at it. “It feels wrong to not have it in my hands.”

Egil sighs and stands up, forcing Shulk to turn away. “Then I suppose I will have to be more firm. You are not to see the Monado again. You may leave if you wish, but you  _ will _ be leaving without the Monado.”

“I don’t want to leave. I… don’t know where to go.”

There’s a moment of silence and Shulk’s throat feels as if it’s contracting. He feels like Egil may strike him or tell him to leave, before he gets more angry. He’s expecting so many bad things, his head whispering that’s all that can happen.

But Egil just sighs, sighs as if he’s so,  _ so _ tired. “What remains of my people. If you travel down the Mechonis, you will find them on the Arm that fell. They try to hide from me, but… I know they exist.”

Shulk turns to look at him, and the look in Egil’s eye is so distant. “Egil…?”

“The Mechon on Mechonis will not harm you on your journey through the Central Factory and Mechonis Field.” He turns away, voice tight. “I cannot guarantee the same for the Mechon on the arm, as they are no longer under my control, but there’s surely Machina nearby who can assist you.”

Shulk says nothing, and just looks at his feet. He doesn’t want to leave -- he’s afraid of what lies ahead for him if he does -- but maybe he can explore. Maybe he needs to get out of the ghost town and see more of Mechonis.

Maybe, he thinks, it will hold an answer for him, however unlikely that is.

\--

Fiora sees Dunban approaching and she chokes on her own tears as she runs to him. He meets her half way and despite her weakness, she clings as tightly as she can. He holds her close with his one arm and the woman who’s been with the group since she saw them again smiles.

“Looks like we found her.” She says in a knowing tone. “See? It’s good to keep pushing forward, no matter how helpless it seems.”

Dunban pulls away and wipes his tears, Fiora is sure Reyn’s jaw is dropping at that. “Yes, thank you, Sharla.”

Fiora finds herself wiping some tears of her own away. “Sorry to make you worry like that, Dunban.”

“Think nothing of it, I’m just glad you’re safe now.” He places his hand on the side of her face and smiles. “But it’s not safe here… We should try and find the others.”

“The girl with wings and the Nopon that were with you…” Fiora nods. “You’re right. We should be quick.”

“Before we head off, let me introduce myself.” The woman sticks out a hand. “I’m Sharla, a medic from Colony 6.”

Fiora takes it and smiles. “Nice to meet you, Sharla! I’m sure you already know my name… Thanks for taking care of my brother and not letting him get all caught up in his own head.”

“What can I say?” Sharla chuckles. “I understand the fears better than most.”

“Oh, are you a big sibling, too?” She asks, hands now behind her back.

“Mmhmm.” She smiles. “Maybe I can introduce you to Juju sometime. Of course, now isn’t the time… I’m not sure how we can even get off of wherever this is.”

Fiora nods. “Well, let’s go. Maybe we can find someone to tell us.” She doesn’t know why, but she has a feeling they can.

\--

Egil watches as the Monado is crushed and feels a weight lifting off his shoulders. After so long, he was finally bringing an end to it all. The sword would be dealt with, and then he could turn to the matter of Shulk. Zanza’s soul sits inside him, and Egil must figure out what to do.

_ “Egil, what is happening to me?” _

He wants to throw up, the words Arglas said to him so long ago tickling at his ears.

_ “I don’t feel like myself.” _

Not now, not now…

_ “I fear this sword… it’s doing something. Egil, please, we cannot meet.” _

If only he had listened.

He stares at the sword, biting down tears as he stares at the Monado. For a moment, he can see it again. Can see Arglas taking hold of it, the way he falls to his knees as a power swirls around him. He sees him, slowly losing himself more and more everyday, until all that remains is Zanza.

The tears start to eke out as the Monado is fully destroyed. The thing that took his friend from him so long ago can hurt no one again. He just has to make sure it is forever gone -- no matter what it takes. One more step, he reminds himself. One more step until that cursed red sword means nothing.

He walks out of the room with its remains, Shulk following after him like a lost puppy. The boy is still attached to the Monado, enough to follow him to the Central Factory for it. All that’s left is a condensed hunk of nothing, however, so Egil doubts there’s much attachment to it now.

He throws it into the central pool of molten metal and watches as it melts in with the rest. “That takes care of that. If you wish to mourn that cursed sword, you may remain here.”

He, however, plans to leave. He doesn’t want to look at it anymore, and besides, there is more work to be done.

\--

When Melia and Riki find themselves in a village, they are both pleased and shocked to see everyone alive and well. Melia steels herself for her meeting with Fiora as they approach, but it goes over poorly as Reyn runs at her and lifts her off the ground into a bone-crushing hug.

“Reyn! If the fall did not break anything, you surely will!” She squeals, but he simply chuckles as he sets her back on the ground.

“So this is Melia!” Fiora walks up, hands behind her back. “She’s as pretty as you said, Reyn.”

“I’m not the type to lie about that!” Reyn replies, rubbing the back of his head, but Melia’s attention is soon back on Fiora.

If Fiora finds her pretty, then Fiora is gorgeous. Her eyes sparkle with a life they had not had before, and her hair so wild and free. It makes Melia’s heart nearly skip a beat as she notes all this. Even her metal body seems to suit her, in an odd way.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She finally manages to say, giving a polite curtsey. “I am glad you are safe.”

“I’m glad the two of you are safe, too! The others told me about you and I was worried you wouldn’t find the Machina village!”

“Machina?” Melia frowns, having not heard the term before. “What exactly is that?”

“That would be us.” A voice rings out and Melia sees a giant woman, her skin a soft blue and her facial features beautiful. She is surrounded by others, taller than her and just as alien. They are all strangely gorgeous, in a way Homs and High Entia cannot be. “Welcome to our village.”

\--

Shulk stares into the molten metal and feels the urge to fling himself over the edge, after the remnants of the Monado. A little voice telling him it will all be over in moments, and what little he still has will be reunited with him. 

He grits his teeth and fights the feeling and thought away. It’s disturbing, even considering killing himself like that. He wants to be more than the Monado -- more than Zanza. There is no reason to give his life away for something that connects him to that harsh fate.

Forcing himself away, he makes for the lift back to Agniratha, where the worst impulse is to jump off the observation tower. At least that one he’d certainly be unconscious before death…

But he does not want to die, he reminds himself as he walks. He wants to live -- he wants to stop this curse and live. Fiora, Reyn, everyone else… They were waiting for him, he’s sure. Waiting to see him again and for things to be peaceful again.

If he can make sure Zanza never escapes, then it’ll be possible. That’s what he tells himself. They just need to seal Zanza and it will all be over.

He just hopes it can be done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3, closing in on a total rewrite of the Gadolt arc because man. Man, I have ideas.

“Shulk, are you alright?” Shulk has found himself wandering Agniratha again when Vanea finds him. “Egil rushed off to the library, so I had no time to ask him how things are going…”

Shulk looks at her and forces a smile, though it does nothing to stop the woman from looking at him with great concern. “The Monado is gone, now. Melted down into nothing.”

Vanea nods. “I am not surprised. The Monado is… a source of pain for Egil, and he believes it a danger to even those who wield it. He would want to deal with that as quickly as possible.”

Shulk feels sick thinking about it. That sounds about right, but without the Monado, he’s nothing. Just a sickly Homs that’s here for no reason -- a man who couldn’t even save Fiora. The thought of her falling hits him again and tears poke at the back of his eyes. It’s so unfair.

He wants to apologize to her, but there’s nothing left of her to apologize to, is there? There’s no way she, or anyone else for that matter, survived that fall. They’d all died, and it was all his fault.

“...You said something about a library.” He forces the tears and the thoughts back. “You have one?”

Vanea nods. “It is something left to us by our lady. Egil is likely looking for some way to assist you and the influence Zanza has left on you.”

“Do you think… he’ll find something?”

Vanea seems to think for a moment, biting her lower lip. She taps her cheek, as if trying to find words for him. It makes Shulk’s heart sink -- there’s likely nothing that can be done. Egil is looking for an answer he will not find.

“I will… talk to him about a possibility when I return.” Her voice is quiet when she finally replies. “For now, I must go. Please, Shulk, stay safe. I have not seen Egil with so much hope for the future in quite some time, if something were to happen to you, I fear…”

She trails off and Shulk just nods. “I promise I’ll stay safe.” Even if urges to do such stupid things continued to persist.

“Thank you. I think… that peace is possible, if things continue as they are.” Vanea closes her eyes for a moment before turning away. “I will speak to you again later, Shulk.”

\--

“I want you to kill my son.” Miqol’s words echo through the room and Fiora swallows hard. 

Doctor Linada’s only been able to make it possible for her to actually function as she is, and now something so heavy is being placed on her. She sees the woman inside her’s memories flash by once again. Egil kneeling, Egil smiling… A man before he was broken.

“I’m not sure I can do that.” She replies honestly, the others around her shifting uncomfortably in response. “I’m going to save Shulk, first and foremost. If Egil is there, too, I’ll… I’ll talk to him.”

Miqol nods, humming. “I see. I’m sure you realize the decision to believe he must die came from years of thought?”

“I do.” Fiora nods. “But something inside me… it makes me feel there’s still a chance. So I’ll talk to him before anything else.”

“I understand.” Miqol chuckles. “You’re our only hope as it stands, so I suppose I cannot argue with your choice. If you wish to speak to him, I do believe you should speak to my daughter, Vanea, first. If anyone has an idea of how to get through that thick skull of his, it’s her.”

“We can do that.” Fiora turns to look at the others. “Come on, let’s go. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

They exit the main room of Junks and waiting there is Linada. The others make their way past her, but Fiora comes to a stop -- surely she wants to talk to her. After all, who else understands this new body of hers?

“Fiora, I understand that this is important to you, but please…” Linada leans down, running a hand through her hair. “If you start to face any major malfunctions, do not hesitate to return. I do not want your body breaking while you are away.”

She smiles up at her. “Don’t worry Linada, I know my limits. I’ll come back if I need to.”

“Good…” She can see the hint of a smile under Linada’s collar. “Stay safe and good luck. The Mechonis can be dangerous.”

“I had a feeling.” She touches her chest piece with a sigh. “But… I think we can handle it! Don’t worry!”

And with that, Fiora followed after the others. There was too much to do to sit idly by, after all…!

\--

Egil is poring over yet another book in Meyneth’s library when he hears the door open. For a moment, he assumes it is Vanea, ignoring his request to be left alone… But then he remembers there’s another curious being in Agniratha right now.

“Hello, Shulk.” He speaks, not looking up. “If you wish to look around, please do not make a mess. Lady Meyneth’s books and novels are precious to the Machina, and I would  _ not _ be happy if you ruin any of them.”

“A-ah, of course.” Shulk steps forward and soon enough, he’s sitting next to Egil. “I really came to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine.” He lies, flipping to the next page. “Simply looking for a way to seal Zanza away.”

“Would… a Face Pilot body work?” He asks, voice quiet.

“Perhaps, but I assumed with your reaction to that Homs girl that you would prefer… something else.” Egil pretends not to notice when Shulk flinches at the mention of her. “We will consider the Face Pilot body as a last resort.”

Shulk nods. “I guess a metal body wouldn’t be the best for me, anyway. I’m pretty sickly and might not make it through the procedure.”

“The bodies are not designed with longevity in mind, either. I’m afraid we would simply be delaying an inevitable by a few months.” Egil replies.

Shulk hums and looks at the book as Egil flips the page once again. “...Then I hope there’s something else that can be done.”

Egil doesn’t say it, but he hopes so as well. For the sake of everyone.

\--

Dunban notices the issue Sharla is having with her gun when Reyn assists her and frowns. He understands to a degree attachment to a weapon, but when it is giving one so much trouble, is it still worth it?

He assures that Melia and Riki are checking on Fiora before making his way over to the woman and sitting next to her. “That rifle must have some significance to you.”

“Oh.” Sharla looks at the rifle and sighs. “You weren’t there when Otharon handed it to me, were you?”

Dunban shakes his head. “I take it that would explain a lot.”

“It was Gadolt’s.” Sharla sighs, hugging the rifle a bit. “I’ve held onto it since, and plan to keep doing so. Until I find him again.”

She still believes her fiance is alive, Dunban realizes, and he nods. He supposes he can understand -- he still has yet to fully move on from Mumkhar, after all. He is not sure he believes he could still be alive with how far they had come, but who is he to speak? Mumkhar had seemed to be dead for years.

“Alright everyone.” Fiora speaks and pulls him from his thoughts and conversation with Sharla. “Let’s get moving forward. We have a lot of ground to cover.”

They pack up and soon enough are moving again. As they go, Dunban pauses -- something’s wrong. Something is watching them. He throws his head back, looking for the source of the feeling, and there’s nothing.

Pausing a moment more, he lets out an annoyed sigh and starts towards the rest of the group once again. He has a bad feeling about whatever is to come.

\--

“Are there any other Face Units? Like Fiora and Mumkhar, I mean.” Shulk asks the question in the quiet of the library without thinking about it. “Xord… he didn’t seem to have a body…”

“He didn’t -- the design of the Bronze Face models does not allow for a full human.” Egil replies, lips pulled into a frown. “They are controlled by a brainstem.”

He feels sick hearing that. “Metal Face and Nemesis… along with your Golden Mechon… are they the only ones with physical pilots?”

“...There is one more.” Egil’s voice is quiet. “His eyes were too accurate to go to waste. He currently patrols Mechonis, for any unwanted visitors.”

“Would that include me?”

“No, he has been alerted to your existence and has no reason to do anything to you.” Egil shakes his head. “As I have said before, you are free to explore and even leave, if you so wish.”

Shulk nods and pulls his legs up to his face. “What kind of man is this pilot, Egil?”

“He was a sharpshooter from Colony 6, quite resilient and protective of his people.” Egil replies. “From what the scout drones showed me, he left his gun behind with an old man shortly before ending up processed here.”

Shulk feels his blood run cold, there’s only one person that could be. “Gadolt.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! Some Gadolt is here -- he's incredibly hard for me to write given how little we see of him, so let's hope it goes well!

Shulk runs for the door and Egil barely has time to catch him when he trips over himself. Shulk is panicked, saying things about needing to find Gadolt. Egil frowns and holds him in place, letting the boy ride out the panic.

“What am I going to tell him?” Something Shulk says finally catches Egil’s attention as the boy sits there, clinging to Egil’s arm and staring out. “Sharla is dead because of me.”

“...Sharla. She was the woman who joined with you in Colony 6?” He racks his brain for a face to put to the name.

“She was his fiance… But she fell, they all did… I…” Shulk’s voice shakes. “If I hadn’t given up, maybe they wouldn’t be dead.”

Egil hums. “If you had not given up, I believe a fight would have broken out either way. I was not about to simply stand down if you chose to fight rather than simply die.”

Shulk is quiet for a moment. “A piece of me doesn’t agree. I didn’t even join them when they fell, if I had maybe the guilt wouldn’t be there.”

“You think it would be better if you had fallen and died as well?”

“That piece of me does. Maybe that’s why…” He trails off.

Egil furrows his brow. “Maybe that’s why what, Shulk?”

“I keep getting urges. To throw myself off the highest places I can find or into the molten metal after the Monado.” Shulk sounds hesitant to share. “Without the Monado, without my friends… What’s the point to me?”

Egil sighs and closes his eyes. “It’s worse than I thought, then.”

“Egil?”

“Forgive me, Shulk, I should have done this sooner.” He opens his eyes, staring forward at nothing, and lets out the command. “Apocrypha, activate.”

\--

A Face Unit. Sharla stares up at it and swallows hard. It’s unique in design, like Metal Face and Fiora’s own Faces had been. Not to mention that Egil, the one who had Shulk right now. That just left the question -- would this Face be on their side or not?

It stares down at them and she almost swears it's staring at her, specifically. She readies her rifle as the others ready their own weapons. And then she hears the pilot speak.

“You should not be here. Turn back now, before I’m forced to fight you.”

“Gadolt!” She feels her heart soar, despite his words. She knew he’d survived -- knew there was no way he was really dead! “Gadolt, it’s me! It’s Sharla!”

“I know that, that is why I am giving you the chance to leave.” His voice is tense. “I’ve seen the truth with my own eyes, Sharla. If you continue you on, you’ll stop Egil. Knowing what I know… I cannot allow that.”

“You cannot allow us to stop Egil and save our friend?” Dunban steps forward, blade at the ready. “I apologize, but we cannot allow you to stop us.”

Gadolt sighs, it’s a familiar sigh -- one Sharla has heard so often since they became engaged. A tired one, one that betrays his dislike of the current situation. Her throat tightens and she wonders why she’s always there to hear it.

“If you will not leave, I have no choice.” He pointed the cannon of his at the group. “Sharla, I’m begging you. Turn back now, go back to Juju.”

She frowns, hands shaking as she continues to point his -- or perhaps it's now her’s -- rifle up. “I can’t do that, Gadolt. I’m here to make sure there’s a world for Juju to look forward to.”

“Then all I can do is ask you to forgive me for what must be done.” He says those words, and the fight truly breaks out.

\--

Shulk is dizzy when Egil carries him to a bed and lays him in it. He doesn’t know what the Apocrypha is, but if it’s going to make him feel like this, he’s not sure he likes it. Egil runs a hand through his hair before telling him to rest here and leaves. Shulk wants to argue, wants to get up, but he can’t.

He lays there and stares at the ceiling again. Those urges have died down a bit. Those thoughts of doing something so horrible to himself are quiet -- maybe it’s because the room is so empty. Maybe it’s because of the Apocrypha.

It’s hard to keep his eyes open, let alone think about this, though. He just wants to sleep until this strange feeling passes. If he can’t think, there’s no point in trying. At least, not right now.

The feeling wins out and he lets his eyes flutter shut. He’ll just rest long enough for this horrible dizziness to pass. Or long enough for it to become a new norm for him, he supposes. Whichever happens to come first.

As he drifts out of consciousness, he finds himself among the stars.

\--

A burst of energy from Fiora’s chest and Gadolt retreats. Dunban makes his way over to Sharla and helps her to her feet. He can see the blank look on her face, and can imagine this must be hard for her. The man she loves, siding so wholly with the enemy that he’s willing to attack her? 

She hadn’t even the time to accept he’d be willing to leave her behind, as he had with Mumkhar. He puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes it. She smiles at him, but he can tell that it’s not a real smile. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Sharla…”

“I’m alright, Dunban, don’t worry.” She pulls away from him and places her rifle on her back. “We should check on the others.”

Reyn has a large gash, but Riki is quick enough to assist with that. Fiora is on her knees after whatever that was and Melia is holding her arm. Dunban makes his way to her as Sharla makes her way to the other men.

“Are you alright, Fiora?”

“Fine, just a bit tired.” She smiles at him as Melia helps her to her feet. “We’re about to hit the Central Factory, anyway. We need to keep moving.”

“Are you sure?” He frowns. “If you need to take a break, we can take one.”

“Not here, Gadolt could come back.” She shakes her head. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

“Fiora--”

Footsteps alert him to the approach of someone. The entire group looks forward and from the smoke a woman approaches. She is alien looking, as all Machina are, but the lights that decorate her body remind him a bit of Miqol. Is this Vanea, then?

“I am happy to see you safe.” She speaks as she comes to a stop, smiling softly. “Lady Meyneth.”

\--

Shulk wakes up with the words from his dream echoing. His Monado -- the one, true Monado. He’s not a clue what it means, but it rings through his head as he stands. He’s dizzy, but it’s lessened a bit. Good he thinks as he heads for the door. He can’t sleep the entire day away.

He makes his way through Agniratha again, back to where Egil sits in the library. There’s a pile of books, ones he must’ve already gone through. He seems to be deeply engrossed in what he’s reading -- a good sign, Shulk hopes.

Sitting next to Egil, he glances over at the book. Containment units, centered over the heart. Touching his chest, he wonders if that’s what Egil is planning on using. There’s a risk of death should something go wrong with the surgery… But if it’s the best bet, he supposes he’ll have to take it.

Egil taps his finger against the cover as he reads, a deep frown on his face. Shulk wants to say something, anything, but no words come to his mind. All he can do is wring his hands and watch.

That’s when the door opens and the man that must be Gadolt enters. 


End file.
